As the shock subsides

It was a strange Sunday morning. I am accustomed to Sunday mornings being full of chaos and drama as we prepare for church, and then more chaos and drama as we attend church. But today it was eerily quiet. Mads gave a talk, so she sat on the stand. Nugget passed the sacrament with the rest of the deacons. Bud was at the door (I should ask him what they call that–when you sit at the door to hand out programs, let the deacons in and out during the sacrament, and open the door for those coming and going for whatever reason… “Door Boy” doesn’t sound sufficiently respectable… haha).

And, of course, Isaac was elsewhere.

Hubby and I walked in and picked out a short row (we usually need a long row for our clan) and we just…sat together. And listened. And while the messages today were lovely (especially Mads’s!), sitting quietly was very…strange.

We are surrounded by lovely people at church. Lovely, loving people. So many embraces and expressions of love for us and for our little guy. Isaac has wormed his way into the hearts of so many.

Let’s just say that I made the right choice not to wear any eye makeup today.

I was able to take many messages of love and good wishes to Isaac when we went to visit him after church. Hubby, Mads, and Nugget came with me. (Bud had another commitment today.) Isaac wanted a complete rundown of who was at church today (the summer months bring a pretty sparse attendance in our congregation). He asked about lots of people and was very pleased with the messages we passed along. He’s grateful that he hasn’t been forgotten about. He’s delighted and maybe a little astonished that people are interested in him and his health.

We played and laughed and had a great time during our visit with him. A nurse heard screaming and came in to check on Isaac and found that our noises were all silly and happy. The kids stole my phone and started taking a bunch of selfies. Isaac ran out into the hallway to find his favorite nurse so he could show the pictures to her. I’m grateful for the relationships he has with his siblings, but I’m also grateful for the relationships he’s developing with the nurses and staff at the PPH. The shock of being there and not being able to come home seems to have worn off. I like to think this is an important step in the healing process. He can shift all the energy he used in fighting his situation to working on getting better.

I asked him about “Herron” (his primary hallucination–a non-existent “friend” who bullies him constantly and follows him everywhere). Herron has been a part of our lives for 3 years now. He used to come and go, but for the last year or so, Herron is “with” Isaac 100% of the time. I’ve been trying to understand if Herron is there with Isaac in the hospital. Isaac seems very hesitant to talk about him. I’m guessing that yes, Herron is there, but Isaac doesn’t want to tell me because he’s trying to be all well, and he knows that if Herron is still around, I will know he’s not well yet.

Sorry, kiddo. I already know. You’re not well. But I’m delighted with all the good behavior and the positive mood!

Hubby went back to visit Isaac again this evening and found him still in good spirits–happy and funny. Hubby is visiting him as much as possible right now because pretty soon the realities of work will come flooding back and he won’t be able to see him very often. I love that they’re both eager to get all the quality time together that they possibly can.

Tomorrow morning is our big meeting with the psychologist, psychiatrist, and social worker. Hubby and I have been looking forward to this meeting since Isaac‘s arrival at the PPH. Hopefully tomorrow is when we’ll get some idea of how long we should expect Isaac to be there and a full understanding of his treatment plan. Hopefully we can begin to understand what the criteria for coming home is–and then what happens next.

We will keep you posted as we learn more. Thanks, as always, for your love, time, prayers, kindness, and everything else. Thanks for being our village.

xoxox

 

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