New Meds

Hello gorgeous creatures,

Well, Isaac is on a new med–an anti-psychotic, and boy can we tell. Med switches are hard. Imagine this teeny tiny body suddenly bombarded with powerful chemicals rushing through his blood. Tiny human, massive meds. They have been so careful about getting his Depakote levels just right so that his body was prepared for this new anti-psychotic, slowly easing him into everything.

And yet, he’s on a new med, and boy can we tell.
We have learned not to overreact to the initial drama that accompanies a new med. It doesn’t usually stay this way. His body and mind just aren’t sure what to do with this stuff yet. Of course, we’ve never had a med actually work to stop the psychosis, but we have had some that throw his behavior and control way off kilter, but then he comes back to us after a few days.
So, yeah, keep those fingers crossed.
He was very hyper today when I took all of his siblings to visit. He was fixated on a situation with a boy who had not been particularly nice to him during group therapy today. Apparently Isaac asked him if he liked rock climbing and the boy told him to shut up and mind his own business. Isaac was repeating those words over and over again. We tried to engage him, but he was pretty much in his own world until I pulled out my phone to play some music. Naturally I went straight for Beyonce after yesterday’s success (by the way, NOT ONE of you commented on my beautiful Beyonce photoshop masterpiece yesterday, but I’m pretty sure it’s because it was so amazing that you are speechless–I get it), but he wanted nothing to do with Queen Bey. All he wanted was Michael Jackson’s Thriller. So we watched the whole video, the reaaallllly long one, and then we took some pictures of the four kids, since this was the first time all four of them were together since Isaac went to the hospital:
(Sorry about the weird filter–the light coming in through the window pretty much removed Mads’s face all together without it… and I like for her to have a face.)
It was all smiles and cuteness here, but it quickly deteriorated into kicking and pinching and biting and hair pulling and, well, it was clear that it was time for us to go.
It’s hard to know just how much to hold him responsible for when he’s on a new med. I suspect that the staff at the PPH is struggling with this too. He has a chart where the staff keeps track of his behavior throughout the day. He earns rewards for good behavior and can lose privileges for poor behavior.
But if he can’t control his behavior, can we really hold him responsible for it? Can we take away his dessert and his movie time and the “good” toys and whatever else he’s hoping to earn, if he is truly incapable of earning them? But… can we give him those things if he’s not following any directions and not being safe?
BUT, should he be made to feel guilty for something he has no control over? No. No, no, no, no.
It’s a tricky balance, and one that none of us knows exactly how to manage. But I suspect that they are relaxing the rules for him a little bit today. This evening, at about 8:30 (half an hour after his bedtime) I got a phone call. Isaac’s nurse said that they’d told him that if he could behave really well, he could stay up past bedtime in order to call me. Well, I was delighted, and Isaac and I had a lovely little chat, but I felt the mania bubbling just under Isaac’s surface and I knew as well as the nurse that he had “earned” this late night phone call in the very loosest sense of the word. But I’m glad that they were lenient, because I think we just have to be right now.
I’m also grateful that he’s in the hospital for this. Whether this med turns out to be the magical one or not, it’s something we need to try. And it clearly needs to be tried somewhere where he is safe and under round-the-clock medical care. And hopefully in a few days we’ll have something wonderful to share. But even if we don’t, at least we’re one step closer to finding the one that will work.
Your continued love and prayers are so, so appreciated. xoxoxox

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