Howdy there partners,
When Isaac got to the PPH, we were told that it’s very rare for people to stay at the PPH for more than 2 weeks. It’s like an ICU, you see, that is set up to treat acute and urgent needs. Once the patient is ready to leave, they’re not “well,” they’re just out of immediate danger.
Well, today marks 2 weeks and 1 day since Isaac arrived, and the current earliest expected check-out date is Aug. 8, which will be one day shy of 3 weeks.
Is he just so much more severe than other children? Is he just so much more dangerous? I don’t think so. He’s just so much more…complicated. As his psychologist so kindly put it, he has a “rare brain.” You just never see all these things at once. And that’s just the things we know about. This rare brain has so many unknowns still.
And just when you think, no, this child isn’t dangerous, he proves you wrong. He hurts himself, he hurts someone else, he’s unable to control those impulses. He has not graduated from “immediate danger.”
Well, actually, we had a pretty good day with Isaac. Hubby and I visited him together this morning and it went just fine. Then Hubby visited him tonight and they had the best time ever. They played games and they talked and it was, according to Hubby, the best visit and the most fun they’ve had since Isaac got to the PPH. Hubby stayed for a looong time, much longer than we usually do, because Isaac just kept asking if they could play another round of Connect Four and keep talking. Obviously, Hubby wasn’t going to say no! They had the best time and Isaac has never seemed healthier. Until… right at the end of the visit, out in the hallway as they were saying goodbye, Isaac lashed out and got in major trouble with the staff and just seemed to have a complete personality shift. Screaming, yelling, over-the-top silliness. I don’t know all the details of the meltdown, but I do know that it involved pouring hand sanitizer all over the floor and then when being told to clean it up he got onto the floor and rolled his face in it and slurped it up. You know, like you do.
(I can’t begin to understand. But I do suspect that there is a rule that hand sanitizer–which is only kept in public areas like the nurse’s station–can’t go on or near your face, or something like that, especially in a psych ward where they have to keep kids from drinking the stuff. So I suspect it was an act of outright rebellion to spill it and then stick his face in it until he got it everywhere.)
Anyway. One step forward, one step back, zero answers. Isaac did start his new antipsychotic today. Maybe something exciting will happen in the next few days. Or maybe he’ll set a goal to get hand sanitizer ear to ear and the new meds will just give him the gumption to meet that goal at whatever cost. Who knows?
But when it comes to safety, I think it’s fair to say that, no, he’s not safe. Because he’s not stable. Because he can’t control his impulses. Because even in his sanitary, structured, supervised, safe haven, he still manages to hurt himself or others. And it’s so sad, because I know him. I know that really, truly, he is the sweetest boy on the planet. May they figure out how to bring that boy home to us. But for now, he’s where he needs to be.
Well, clearly the last few days have been weirdly rough. Thanks for your ongoing prayers and kindness. We feel it. We really do. How would we ever make it through without you?